There are many people who will pass through our lives. Some remain for years, while others are with us only for a season. Some leave hardly a trace behind them, whilst others influence the direction of our lives long after they have gone.
Yet among all the relationships we form, there are three kinds of people that everyone needs: someone to teach us, someone to challenge us, and someone to love us. If you are fortunate enough to find all three qualities in one person, you have found someone very special indeed.
This principle is particularly important in the Christian life. God never intended believers to grow entirely by themselves. Certainly, our supreme dependence must always be upon the Lord. His Word is our final authority, His Spirit is our Helper, and Christ Himself is our great example. Nevertheless, throughout Scripture God repeatedly uses people to strengthen, correct, encourage and instruct other people.
Someone to Teach You
First, everyone needs someone who can teach them. There is a danger in believing that we have reached the point where nobody can tell us anything. The moment we become unteachable, our spiritual growth begins to suffer. Solomon wrote, “Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning” (Proverbs 9:9).
Notice that the wise man still needs instruction. Wisdom does not make a person independent of teaching; genuine wisdom makes him more willing to receive it. We need people in our lives who know things that we do not know, who have walked roads that we have not yet travelled, and who have learned lessons that we have not yet had to learn.
Timothy had Paul. Paul called Timothy his “true child in the faith” (1 Timothy 1:2). He instructed him, encouraged him, warned him and prepared him for the work of ministry. Near the end of Paul’s life, he reminded Timothy, “The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2).
There is something wonderfully simple about this pattern. Paul taught Timothy. Timothy was to teach faithful men. Those faithful men were to teach others. Christian truth was being handed from one generation to another. We still need that today. Every Christian ought to have people from whom he is willing to learn. They may be pastors, parents, older believers, teachers or simply Christians who have walked faithfully with God for many years. Do not despise the wisdom that comes through experience. You do not have enough years in one lifetime to make every mistake yourself. A wise person learns from the experience of others.
Someone to Challenge You
Secondly, everyone needs someone who will challenge them. This person is sometimes less comfortable to have around. A teacher tells us what we need to know. A challenger sometimes tells us what we do not want to hear. We naturally enjoy people who agree with us. We like those who confirm our opinions, laugh at our jokes and reassure us that everything we are doing is perfectly reasonable. But a friend who agrees with everything we say is not necessarily helping us.
Sometimes genuine friendship requires uncomfortable honesty. Scripture says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6). That is a remarkable description of friendship. A true friend may occasionally wound us, not maliciously, not cruelly and certainly not for personal satisfaction, but because truth sometimes hurts before it heals.
We need people who are willing to ask difficult questions. “Should you really be doing that?” “Have you prayed about this?” “Is that attitude consistent with Scripture?” “Are you becoming careless in your walk with God?” “Have you considered that you might be wrong?” Those questions can irritate us, particularly when they touch something we would rather leave untouched. Yet the person willing to ask them may prove to be one of God’s greatest gifts to us.
The Bible says in Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Iron sharpening iron involves friction. There are relationships in which God uses another person to expose our weaknesses, confront our complacency and push us towards greater faithfulness. We should therefore be cautious about surrounding ourselves exclusively with people who always agree with us.
Find someone who respects you enough to tell you the truth and when they do, resist the temptation immediately to defend yourself. Listen first, consider what they have said. Take it before the Lord. Compare it with Scripture. They may be wrong, but they may also be exactly right.
Someone to Love You
Thirdly, everyone needs someone who loves them. Not because of what they accomplish. Not because of their usefulness. Not because they have everything together. Simply because they are loved. The world contains plenty of conditional relationships. People can be remarkably interested in us whilst we are useful to them and remarkably absent when we are not.
Christian love is supposed to be different. Scripture says, “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). “At all times” is the important part. There are times when we are easy to love and times when we are not. There are seasons of strength and seasons of weakness. There are victories, disappointments, mistakes, failures, griefs and burdens.
A genuine friend does not disappear when circumstances become inconvenient. Perhaps one of the finest examples in Scripture is Jonathan’s friendship with David. Jonathan had much to lose by supporting David. He was the son of Saul and therefore stood naturally in the royal succession. Yet Jonathan recognised God’s hand upon David and loved him faithfully rather than treating him as a rival.
Their friendship was marked by loyalty rather than selfish ambition. That kind of love is rare. When you find someone who remains beside you in difficulty, who prays for you when you are struggling, who rejoices when God blesses you, and who does not secretly compete with you, treasure that relationship.
What If All Three Are Found in One Person?
Sometimes God gives us someone who fulfils all three roles. They teach us because they want us to grow. They challenge us because they refuse to watch us drift. They love us enough to remain beside us through both success and failure. If you have such a person in your life, do not take them for granted. Tell them that you appreciate them. Listen when they speak. Pray for them. Be loyal to them.
Remember that relationships of this quality must be cultivated. Friendship cannot survive indefinitely on neglect. Paul’s relationship with Timothy contained something of all three qualities. Paul instructed Timothy, challenged him to faithfulness and clearly loved him. He could write, “For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare” (Philippians 2:20). Those words reveal something deeper than a merely professional relationship. Their fellowship had been formed through shared faith, shared service and genuine affection.
Become That Person for Someone Else
There is another side to this principle. It is easy to ask, “Who is teaching me? Who is challenging me? Who loves me?” Perhaps we should also ask: “Whom am I teaching?” “Whom am I challenging?” “Whom am I loving?” Christian maturity is not merely about finding people who enrich our lives. Eventually we ought to become people who enrich the lives of others.
Some younger Christian may need the lessons God has taught you. Someone may need you to have enough courage to speak a difficult truth. Someone else may simply need to know that when everybody else walks away, you will still be there. The Christian life is not intended to be lived in isolation. God places believers together so that they may strengthen one another. Paul expressed it beautifully in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.”
Treasure the People God Gives You
Everyone needs someone to teach them, because none of us knows everything. Everyone needs someone to challenge them, because none of us sees ourselves perfectly. Everyone needs someone to love them, because none of us was created to walk through life entirely alone. Sometimes these roles will be filled by different people. One person may be your teacher, another your challenger, and another the faithful friend who simply remains beside you.
Occasionally God gives someone who somehow manages to be all three. They teach without making you feel small. They challenge without trying to control you. They love without demanding that you first become perfect. When you find someone like that, you have found something precious. Treasure them and perhaps even more importantly, ask God to make you that kind of person for somebody else.
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